Fantasizing & Reflecting

I'm really missing the mountains today.....

Reflecting where I'm at, right in this moment, has me fantasizing about what I had. And questioning how I got here.

Did I take too much in my pursuit for happiness? 

Did I neglect my body as I sought to fulfill the needs of my mind?

Was I too selfish with my expectations?

All these questions circle through my head as I try to be content with less. Having an injury is great for reflecting and understanding why we do the things we do. And with each set back, we learn more about ourselves and become stronger in the process.

For me, as I recover from a sore achilles, I've had a lot of time to think. And ponder.

It's not all been positive thoughts though; I've had days filled with tears and frustration as I navigate the roller coatser of recovery. But, it's given me the chance to divulge even further in to why I run. 

It's how I feel alive. 

My mind becomes present and and I can feel. 

Flow. 

Be.

As I struggle to find that state without running it's a reminder to not put too much weight on one element of happiness. You never know when it will be pulled out from beneath you. And being left with nothing that fulfills you is a terrible thing. 

As with anything that causes you to slow down, I am learning and appreciating what I DO have. Finding other ways to fill the void has been a rewarding experience.

Yet there are still days, like today, where I fantasize about running freely in the mountains.... And it bring me down to reality. What I wouldn't give for just one ounce of that freedom right now. 

I know with patience will come healing, and soon enough I'll be able to do what I love. But for now I'm trying to embrace the extra down time I have and use it to become a more well-rounded person. 

And keep pursuing the ever elusive state of balance....